The Ask

So much to tell and just minutes before everyone wakes up. Our struggle last week was, Alyona was cold towards my husband. She avoided him and told the translator she did not like him. Well, we are praying for clarity- we got it. We cannot move forward. We prayed and asked God to change her heart and quickly or we were going to accept her coldness as a reason not to adopt. Within 24 hours she thawed! What? Okay, one step at a time. It was huge when she invited herself into the football game with Perry on Christmas. Several more days past and we started really having a sweet time together as a family. After a visit with some Russian speaking friends, Alyona mentioned she would attend trade school after the orphanage. My heart sank. She is just on vacation. She has not thought any more about our offer in August to adopt her that she declined. One step at a time. So then we were praying for wisdom. When to talk, who to help us, and what to say. Just like it has been the whole time she has been here, I waited on the Lord and He made it clear. Zoya (Ukranian who teaches English) was in Richmond 1 more day and it was wide open. We planned to meet at Panera. It was raining, there was no one at the Stony Point Panera- we got the secluded booth.

I am so thankful for my friend Tracy, who shared this intimate conversation with the 3 of us. We found out from Alyona she has been thinking about our offer. In fact, she spoke to her older sisters about it and they encouraged her to take this opportunity. (That is huge since I had just heard the night before from an adoptive mom that her teenage daughters were ridiculed by their jealous sisters when they were adopted). Although Alyona's mom has officially lost rights to her, they still talk by phone. Her mom said nothing. I can only imagine the pain her mom feels about the choices she made in her life to bring them to this point. What a broken world. No 14 year old should have to be in this position. I reassured her. We are scared too. We are trusting the Lord will take care of all of us. I don't  need to replace your mom, just help you on your life journey from here on out. We all cried. Perfectly orchestrated timing, words, and people. For the first time, I knew she had been thinking about this. She is not taking this lightly. She has 4 more days. We asked her to let us know before she leaves. The rest of the day was joyful! She was bouncing around (may be the open access to sugar) throwing her bedspread on our heads, calling us, "Baby Jesus". Tackling me. Hugging me (all the first time she has initiated these things). She fits with us. Tonight for the first time I had the thought, "This might actually be enjoyable". I have been bracing myself for hard. I want to follow God's will and know (especially after studying about Joseph) that it is not always comfortable. But even when it is not, this moment by moment reliance on the Lord is LIVING! WOW! That the God of the universe is intimately involved in my life and CARES about what happens, is mind blowing. What a ride! So, what will happen? Only God knows. In the meantime, one faithful step, soaking up everything He has for me.

Here is a picture of my sweet neighbors helping her make a stepping stone for our garden. She told Zoya that has been one of her favorite things on this trip. I reminded her she couldn't take that home in her suitcase!

Treat Day!

We have been enjoying the blessings others have given us. Yesterday I took Alyona to Target for the much anticipated buying of gifts for her 6 caregivers and 1 best friend back at school. Thanks to 2 CYT families (neither of which we know personally) the gifts were cover with just pennies to spare! Phew! That was $119 I didn't have to fork over! This morning Dr. Bailey checked out her eyes for free! And even gave her some 'cool' foldable shades. Then a secret santa paid for a cut and style for Alyona, done by Linda who has been cutting Perry's hair since 1991. 

Anna has been picking out outfits to try to match Alyona. After I took the one picture of Alyona, she gladly welcomed Anna into the next picture. From there we went to ChickFilA. Last week we received an unmarked card in the mail with a $30 CFA card. Not sure who it was from, but they guessed perfectly what it would cost to feed a family of 6 there! Now, the 3 big kids are on an adventure with our neighbor and their grandaughter, biking around the lake. (WHOO HOO! My first peaceful moment in my house alone in weeks....and I am blogging..). Tonight, thanks to my dear sisters in Wellspring Bible study, the Perrys are living large at Lewis Ginter!

This is a picture Anna made me take so Alyona could see how pretty her hair looked from the back.  I made the mistake of taking the kids to Joanne's to get something for Anna's birthday. I should have known Crafty Girl was going to be in heaven. I kept saying,"No" to her.  I even made Anna ask me for something so she could see if was a universal "No". Wait, I did buy them each a $1 paint by number. Yesterday she and I visited with our favorite Russian Grandparents from church and she told them she was excited to bring her roller blades (thank you to WA family) back to Ukraine. Really?! How much is that weighted suitcase going to cost? :) She said the one bike the orphanage had broke, so she knew these would be a hit there. Clearly it is her first time on skates. She is getting good at it, although she did fall into the neighbor's rose bush and I was picking thorns out of her fingers that went through her gloves! 

Getting better

Yesterday was awesome. Everyone enjoyed their presents and at the end Alyona lined all of hers up and said, "WOW". Right now they are all 'rollerblading' in the garage so I have a second to type. We prayed for a heart change and in less than 24 hours have seen fruit. He is answering our prayers. We went to my parents' house and spent the day with family. Alyona invited herself into the boys' football game. When she scored a touch down, Perry and Uncle Chris did victory 'hip bumps' with her.

 

My mom brought out the supplies to make gingerbread houses and they all loved eating the candy.

The Sherman's play marbles. It is a fun game that does involve some thinking. My nephew helped Alyona with one hand and she quickly learned how to play.

Today it is cold and rainy. We cleaned up. Boy can that girl clean and quickly! What a blessing. She was the only one not complaining about it. Asking the Lord to clearly lead us. One thing is for sure, I have never been so 'present' in my own life. It has been refreshing to be so intentional about loving, playing, and participating in life. Perry and I have been such good friends through all of this. We have not had a argument since she has arrived. We are so aligned. One step at a time.

God is with us

The past 2 days have been hard. Out of respect for Alyona and our family, I am going to withhold details. I pray that I can share details when we are on the other side of it. For the past 24 hours I have been on the verge of tears. I have felt the weight crushing me. I retreated to my room with my bible and was comforted by 1Peter 4:12" Dear Friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed. "

I would pull it together and then despair. Then out of the blue my 3 yr old started singing, "I depend on You, I depend on You, Jesus, I put my trust and my hope all in You. Whatever I face, You will see me through, Lord, guide my steps, I depend on you". Thank you, Lord.

He is with me. If you want to truly experience Christmas, take a risk for Him. Even though it has been hard we truly have been blessed. This is living! I was overwhelmed during Christmas Eve service. Emmanuel- God is with us! I have really dropped the ball this Christmas on gifts outside of our children. I just can't get it together. I am on the receiving end and it is AWESOME! Today even in the midst of my tension, we kept receiving. We got 3 surprise gift cards!

 Alyona LOVED opening up that mail! Our neighbor came over and gave her a light up hot pink watch. After her shower, she put on her pretty Christmas dress and rushed down to get the watch! Here is a picture of our silly neighbors breaking the ice, oving her.
At church I saw her joy. Abigail rested her hands on Alyona's shoulders. The words of the songs penetrated my soul. After the past 2 days and seeing the brokenness of this world, "O Come, O Come Emmanuel"! The hope we have in HIM.
Alyona adores my mom. My family has truly been fabulous. Yesterday we went to the Nativity at the zoo. Alyona loved the animals. Then at my parent's house, Alyona looked at the years of picture ornaments on the tree of the grandchildren. My mom sent them hunting for gifts and she found her picture in an ornament for the tree. She put it right at the top.

Tonight at my sister's she ran around with the cousins really enjoying herself. When we got home she got some footie pjs one of you gave her. She was THRILLED. She put them on right over top of her Christmas dress! Then the rest of the kids got their pjs on and started sliding down the stairs! They were going crazy, giggling, and running. She was engaging with both Perry and I and even let him read her some of a Russian children's story. Merry Christmas to all....goodnight!

Science museum and the Jefferson

I am losing track of the days. Yesterday we went to the science museum. That was okay. There is a lot of reading necessary to truly get what is going on. Just like our little kids, she enjoyed pushing the buttons. I am not sure what she thought as we watched rat basketball. I had made a turkey breast for dinner on Friday. Alyona and Anna were both grossed out as I washed it and prepared it. They helped me season it with lemons and herbs and enjoyed the smell as it cooked. Every time I am chopping something, Alyona says, "me! me!". I think that really helps her enjoy the meals, since she is aware of what is in each dinner. So Saturday morning I quickly took out the turkey breast and had them make turkey salad. We ate that in the car after the museum on crackers. Then with time still to kill so we went to the Jefferson Hotel to look at the decorations.

 

Instead of embarrassing Alyona by putting in the picture of her covering her face, I will show you this one. Not sure if she knew why we were there or what we were doing. That afternoon, Nathan, Anna, Alyona, and I went to Wal-mart. We had fun. She even put Nathan in a head lock and rubbed his head. She also insisted that Nathan push her while she stood on the cart. They took turns. I forgot to mention how she likes getting the mail. If you have sent us a Christmas card, chances are she joyfully opened it. The other day, Chris' mom sent Alyona a Ukrainian Christmas card with $10 in it (she sent one for each grandchild). She was THRILLED to see her name on the envelope! And bonus, she could read the card! She took her money to Walmart and bought 2 boxes of brushes ($5 each) to take back and share with her friends at 'school' and really wanted an iced honey bun. I had given her some coins, so there you have it. Her first purchase. As I was 'translating' the cashier asked, "does she speak Spanish?" Man- I wish she did!  We went home, she chopped more turkey and I made a pot pie. She really liked it- again I think because she helped make it. Some times I get a quiet moment and hear the 4 kids giggling. Once they were playing PBS kids on the computer, once Alyona was dressing up in Abigail's jacket and emerging from the closet and once they cleaned the kitchen!

Yes, they used 7 dish rags and 1/2 roll of paper towels- but the stainless steel never looked so good!

Here is a picture from Great Wolf Lodge of the cousins. Somewhere along the way, she has learned the art of bunny ears.

Too tired to think of a cute title

Okay, so much has happened. Thursday Alyona and Abigail came with me to school while I gave my students their exams. When I walked through the door I was bombarded with gifts, questions, and a flury of activity. It actually made me feel so special and I was hoping she would see I am more that just a 'consulation prize'... I am actually likeable. My fellow Spanish teacher, conversed with her in Russian. Another host mom who witnessed Wednesday night's painful interactions at church answered my S.O.S call and came to play with them on the play ground. My original plan to keep them busy was for Alyona's original host mom to spend time with them, but I knew it was just too painful for Alyona, since she cares so deeply for them. (hope that made sense...again...I am tired).

After my exam, we headed to Great Wolf Lodge. She had never seen anything like it. My parents and sister's family were there too. God bless my 8 yr old nephew. He quickly picked up on how to communicate with Alyona and was willing to do all of the adventurous rides with her. She really took to my sister, and Sarah got to experience the 'I am fond of you and it is culturally acceptable' hand holding with her.
  I was in the kiddie area when I saw Anna come running to me crying. Oh no! This is the moment I have learned about in my training where my biological kid gets their feelings hurt. She explained that Alyona had asked her to go on the Tornado and Anna (all day) had declined. She got Anna to go 1/2 way up the stairs, Anna was too scared, walked down, and then had trouble locating me. Anna was struggling with letting Alyona down, but really being too scared to proceed. I assured Anna that she wasn't ever to be pressured into doing something she was scared of. Then I am thinking.....you can't ride this ride alone. It is a 2-4 person ride. She can't read the signs or communicate. In Alyona's words, "oh no!". So Anna and I went to the exit of the ride. Well wouldn't you know she comes down in a raft with 3 high school boys!!!! "Oh no!" She was laughing and so were we...she figured it out.  (imagine a picture of us swimming here....my dad took pics on his camera).

We had a great time and came home this afternoon. Well, a couple of days ago, our sweet babysitter, Molly 14yr, had sent me an email inviting Alyona to come over to a small party from 3-5 today with some other girls her age. If I have learned anything it is, make all plans tentative and let the Holy Spirit lead me. I had told her I would see. Well Perry had to go into work, so I didn't think we could go. I get a reminder email. Then my neighbor, Mimi, came over to visit. She invited Abigail back to her house to see her tree. On her way out she says, "Call me if you need me". Okay Lord, do you want me to take her? How many things need to fall into place here. Mimi agrees to watch all 3 kids. I google translate "We are going to my friend's house. She is your age. We will play Spoons like you did when you were here in Aug." "NO". "Get your coat on" "NO". "If it is not fun we will leave". "NO". I bring her the coat. Hey if she is ever going to be a Perry she needs to listen to me and trust me. She gets in the car, slumped over with her arms crossed. Silence all the way there. I mean, it is always silent, but this was grumpy silence. I prayed and prayed in my head. "I am trusting You, Lord". I honestly was preparing myself that she may just refuse to exit the car. We get there and I greet them mom with a happy, "Hi, we are here against our will" warning. Those SWEET girls made her feel right at home. They let me play spoons and hot potato with them. Molly planned games that were non speaking games, just for Alyona. And Alyona LOVED IT! Laughed, played, ate cookies, and Molly gave her some to take home and a special chapstick (which she loved and made me smell in the car). She is lucky she doesn't understand....I told you so! Thank You Lord. I took a chance and she felt loved.
 At dinner, Perry asked, "what are we going to do tonight?" with dread. I got out my exams and we practiced the alphabet (upper and lower case) while I graded them. If I got to a paper of someone she knew (former host family kids or their friends) I would describe them and she would draw a heart with wings on their papers. Believe it or not, we had a blast. Anna right there with us. Really? Grading exams are fun? As I tallied up the scores, I heard a few , "oh no!"s from her :)

One step at a time...

Yesterday started beautifully! It was St. Nicholas Day in Ukraine, so Anna ran upstairs with a paper in Russian saying, "Happy St.Nicholas Day". Alyona jumped out of bed and hugged Anna. That was the first time they have hugged. When Perry picked up the kids from school the first day she arrived (after she slept till 12:00) they gave a wave to one another in the school office. Anna has tried to physically get close, but is just not brave enough to 'put herself out there'. So the hug was great. They opened small gifts and YES, both she and Anna got the $2.88 "A" necklaces that Alyona had been eyeing the day before. (There were only 2 so Abigail got Alice in Wonderland).
We got the kids to school and a friend offered to watch Abigail so Alyona and I could try day 2 of shoe shopping. We found the perfect, gray and black pair of sparkly flats. As we walked through the Christmas aisles gazing, she said a word. She really only ever says, "thank you, yes, no, and let's go'. The universal word of all teenage girls..."Justin". And there it was a Justin Bieber ornament! Nothing says Christmas like that! I explained (probably without her understanding) that I would bring her back once that thing was marked down, and she could use her Christmas money to buy it!
We then started a long road trip to pick up some kids I babysit on Wednesdays. I had not planned ahead, she was hungry. So, we went to Mc Donalds. Another universal concept. We NEVER go to fast food (or any restaurant really). They are only for travelling or dress up like a cow days. I let her get the largest regular coke and was hoping all the empty calories would stick. She also got a cheeseburger and fries. Another word came out of her mouth, "yummy".

Honestly I wasn't sure how babysitting would be with her here. It was AWESOME! She loved "Katra" and walked around after her as she toddled about. Somewhere along the way, she has seen how to love/treat a baby. She held her on her lap and bounced her feet together. She put 2 bows in her hair and enjoyed a banana with her.
We helped out at Anna's school and that was natural and fun. We got Nathan out early and were all heading to the parking lot when Alyona noticed I was carrying a lot of things. So she took Nathan's backpack, put it on and started chasing him around. It was the first time I have felt her appreciate the gift our children are. She was enjoying them. So far, that was my sweetest memory.

When we approached our driveway, she said, "grand ma". Who was home watching the little kids so we could help out at the school. Everything was so great. Our time together was fun and natural. I love watching little kids just talk and play with her like she understands them.

That night we went to church. This was the first time she would see her original host family. It was inevitable. I knew she would really want to see them. It was hard. Really hard. They were probably the first family that has ever shown her that kind of love. She cried and hugged them tightly. My heart ached. Mainly because I was DYING to know what she was thinking and because we want that kind of connection with her. I find I often assume her thoughts, but really have no idea since with her history she has a completely different lense through which she views life. To the host family's credit, they sat at 3 different tables and loved her without misleading her. They did a great job of balancing interest in her and us. Again, I felt the Body of Christ. As I looked around the room friends cast me knowing glances. They knew this was hard. They were praying for us. They gave us space. We all just carried on like this was normal. I know we are loved. One faithful step at a time...people! That is what we are doing. I could imagine our social worker saying, "THAT IS AWESOME THAT SHE IS ATTACHED! SHE CAN ATTACH! Relationships take time! This is great!"
That night after the kids were in bed Perry and I prayed. What a rich time of sitting on the couch laying it all out before the Lord. Confessing trying to get ahead of Him. Trying to let Him lead and us follow. And last night, I slept. A sweet, peaceful, night's sleep. He is so faithful to us!

Reality T.V.

I feel like I am on t.v. I have a constant audience. I have been 'on' all day. I am exhausted.  I keep trying to think about my time as a student in Spain and how 'foreign' everything was. Trying to look at everything with fresh eyes.

She always points out Christmas lawn decorations. Especially the spiral trees. We haven't even been out light looking yet.
We went to Dr. Lee the dentist this morning. He is WONDERFUL. In August he saved several of her teeth with fillings. Today, they looked great, and they were cleaned. What a generous gift to our family. It was all free!

Then we went to the park. It was cold and wet. We still had fun. Sometimes I think I am boring her, but then she will start playing. Following Abigail's lead.

From there we hit Wal-mart looking for some black flats for church. There was 1 pair of 7.5 black flats. They were even on sale...but...she didn't like them. She is going to look funny in her snow boots with her Christmas dress.  At the store she asked me for an "A" necklace. It was $2.88. I said, "no". There was part of me that said, "Really?! $2.88? She is an orphan for goodness sake". But, I would have said no to my other 3. Plus I didn't want to set a precedent. Two aisles over, she asked for a coloring book. That was easier to say no to- it was $6!. When we got home I explained over translation that if she got any money for Christmas I would take her back and she could buy whatever she could afford.
I really thought I was inserting the cookie picture here- oh well, still learning. I got a yummy recipe from a friend for sugar cookies and we made them and the icing from scratch. Abigail was sleeping so we had a really fun time. You may notice she is wearing the same clothes from yesterday. I appreciated that since I often feel like I am on a 1 woman crusade to reduce laundry in this house. Turns out she is more of a kid size 14 than a 12 and because she is so tall, so of the clothes I had for her didn't fit. That actually started a 'conversation' between us. We went upstairs and held up all the clothes. Ones that were too short, we put in Anna's closet. Thankfully, a student handed me a bag of 14s YESTERDAY, so I just re-stocked her drawers.
I also taught her how to Suduko. She is doing that as I type.
Going to bed soon!

Wish I could have this be my background picture instead of the giant one of us! Still can't figure that out. Help wanted in blog operation please!
We have been waiting to decorate our tree until Alyona got here. Last night we had a great time doing so. After ornament upon handmade ornament with our kids' pictures on them, I snuck up stairs and made one for her. She was thrilled to hang it on the tree.

She also enjoyed helping Perry with his Rosetta Stone Russian. Well, making fun of him.....:) That cyber Monday deal is paying off! The man is communicating with her!!! So much to the point I am turning to him every other minute expecting him to know more than he does.

This is my first day home. I crashed after surviving off adrenaline. Off to the dentist this morning!

Day 1

Last night was SO exciting. First of all I cannot remember a time when I took a 2 hour road trip with another couple. It was a blast chatting getting super excited. Then we met up with our other 4 friends there! We paced and waited, the plane was late. When they finally walked through the gate I screamed, "They are here!" I hugged her, I cried, Perry tried to take pictures, the camera malfunctioned.
It was a sweet moment. She looked great- especially after 3 days of travel. Tight black jeans, new black boots, and nice coat. It appears like her caregivers sent her out with the best items possible.
I wish there had an outsider there snapping pictures, so we could have seen everyone else as they greeted their girls. It was such a blur.

We had decided on the way to the airport the girls needed code names. That way we could refer to them without them wondering why we keep talking about them. A word they won't normally hear in our house- as to not confuse the language aquisition. "Scrunchie" it is!

We have been trained for this experience. Our list: check for lice, they will smell, they are superstious- so don't kiss them on the head (kiss of death), bring them a stuffed animal.
First- Lice- okay.....her hair is pulled back tightly...good sign....hum...I will look in the hood of her coat I am holding....Looks good to me! CHECK
Smell- after buying my special scented lip gloss to distract my nose and packing a strong smelling candle....she doesn't smell....CHECK.
Stuffed animal- I found a giant monkey at Sam's that was plush and big enough to be a pillow. As instructed we have been sleeping with it for a week transfering our scent (don't ask...the training).
I envisioned her hugging it and using it as a pillow. She fell asleep clutching it on the ride home exactly as planned!...CHECK
She took a shower, put on her new Christmas pjs, towel dried her hair (didn't even comb it) and was beaming as tucked her into her clean sheets. I snuggled her down in, Anna stirred and smiled at us, we prayed for Alyona, and I kissed her on the head.
This morning I asked Anna if she remembered seeing us last night. She said, "Yes. Mom, did you kiss her on the HEAD?!" YIKES! I did....the kiss of death.....fail.
Kids on the bus at 8:50, me out the door at 9:00, Perry and Abigail at home, Alyona still sleeping....stay tuned!

Countdown is on

Here goes. I am not a blogger. I start things and never finish them. I have no idea what I am doing. I didn't even mean to put that giant picture of my husband and I as our background (if it is not there- I figured out how to delete it). I cannot even spell.
Perry fears that this blog will be another 'to do' for me. That we won't do it well. I am past that. We leave in 2 hours to drive to D.C. to pick up Alyona. We met her this summer through our friends who hosted her and felt the Lord leading us to adopt her. We offered, she declined. Two weeks upon her return to her orphanage in Ukraine we got a message, "Yes, Alyona wants to be hosted at Christmas. And she is open to adoption." WHAT? What changed her mind? Did her caregivers nudge her? Did she realize her fate when she turns 16 and is forced to leave the orphanage? Who knows. We were skeptical. Then I started thinking, what would she have to say for me to believe her? Would she have to beg us to let her in our family for me to think she was 'worthy' after rejecting us? I don't think even then I would believe.
We continued like we had in August, 'let's take the next faithful step'. We spent almost every Friday night filling out paperwork for the homestudy. We have met once with the caseworker. We wrote Alyona, although still don't know if she got the letters.
Fast forward to today. We pick her up! I feel like I am being induced tonight at 9:07. I have been nesting, trying to tie any loose end before she comes. If it is anything like August, my thought/decision making abilities will be compromised. I am going to have a shadow looking to me for her next move. Don't get me wrong- I am VERY excited. Just trying to prepare as much as possible. I am realizing the most important thing I can do is - trust. TRUST that the One who has led us this far will continue to lead us- step by step.
I am hoping to not let this blog be a burden. Just a place where I can keep interested people posted. When I was in third grade I wrote a monthly paper for my street. I typed it on an electric typewriter. I charged 15cents a copy. It only lasted about 4 issues. I used to get stressed out that the neighbors were waiting for the next edition. I just HAD to write it. I will not let this blog become my next "Millbridge Gazette'.
Today I praise God for the Body of Christ. I am not alone. We have felt His presence all along. Today was confirmation that 'we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses'. While at church today, 12 different families blessed us. We were- handed dinner, a playdate was set up for Abigail so I could bake with Alyona, 3 different people prayed for us, secured a much looked for Christmas present for Alyona, given clothes, I was handed a crafted gift full of prayers, handed a check to help with expenses, given 2 bags of treats, Russian books and dvds, and a handmade hat just for her! And those were the tangible blessings. Others encouraged us and shared in our excitement.
Thank you, Lord. I feel You! I know You are here. Thank You for loving us so much to include us on this adventure!
Blog 1 written- check that off my list!